Saturday, September 10, 2011

Feeling so Lost

It's been weeks now since my punishment.  What was truly amazing to find what I've been searching for now feels like abandonment filled with fear.  The past few weeks have been extremely hard on me as a person as well as a sub.  I feel like I've been knocked off my feet in alot of ways and I wonder if he can see through my walls now. When I'm alone the pain is so intense.  The things I've done in defiance are not typical for me.  The Dom I know would have not tolerated my behavior.  I guess its my way of dealing with the lack of control and structure that made me push the limits.  I wonder what our next meeting will hold and will I be able to keep my walls up? 
  

8 comments:

  1. This sounds very traumatic for you. Without knowing what is really happening, I can only say "Make sure this is really right for you!" Take care of yourself and don't settle for pain and abandonment. If it's not healthy for you, move on. If he is a good person to be with, it will work out with lots of talking and understanding each other. Good Luck!

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  2. Thanks so much. I'm going to talk to him tonight. I appreciate your support.

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  3. Hi Meow...We did talk over the past few days and I feel alot better than I did when I posted this comment. I have to give him his privacy with what he has to deal with but I understand better. I feel more optomistic and settled since I've seen him. Communication is so vital and I feel that we have done that. Sir, I know you read my blogs but don't comment. Thank you for talking to me and spending the last two days with me.

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  4. Sweetcheeks, I'm happy to hear things are better!

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  5. @ Meow...Thanks again for your support.

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  6. Just letting know I am cheering for ya!

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  7. You seem to really have a good grasp of this sort of lifestyle. I hope your new man realizes what a a gift he has with you. Women like you are rare to find these days. I'll be watching for more posts and hope you post something soon about your experiences.

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  8. Thank you hotatlanta1 for your kind words...

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